No Story For Bad Pitches (Oh, Wait…)

Elliot GouldContinuing my coverage of ridiculous press releases, today’s email reveals one that may top “Mekong Capital Overcomes Exhaustion!

The pitch is titled “No Country For Old Men. Mature Male Executives Taking Extreme Measures to Keep their Jobs,” courtesy of 5WPR.

Ignoring the hint of “manufactured trend,” it seems innocent enough, right? Not really. I read on to learn, to my horror, that the pitch is really suggesting I cover the “story” of middle-aged executives getting Botox and hair transplants to keep their jobs. To quote directly from the grammatical nightmare of a pitch,

As you’re working on stories about the frighteningly competitive job market, especially for over paid, senior executives – you might want to consider a story on how “attractive” is  just as much of an important asset as having “skill”  when being reviewed for the job – we all know the statistics when it comes to attractive people having the upper hand on scoring the “sale” / “deal”.

Yikes. But that’s not even the “best part.” We’ve got the most egregiously fake set of before and after photos my critical journalist eyes have encountered in years. Behold, “Elliot Gould” (no, not that Elliot Gould), age 42.

And even though I’m writing in jest, I suppose in some ways, with this blog, the pseudo-story has won. Rats. For fun, I’m offering to buy a drink for anyone who finds and emails me evidence that this pitch actually worked on a reporter (And no, snide blog posts such as this don’t count).