peHUB First Read

* You can’t fire me, I’m drunk.

* Time to play The Bailout Game.

* Morning Call: U.S. futures mixed as JPMorgan profits are tempered by Steve Jobs’ medicazl leave of absence, FTSE down in early trading, other European shares edge up, both the Nikkei and Hong Kong keep sinking.

* Last week, Erin wrote a post about pending layoffs at GE Capital. It’s now become something of a de facto messageboard for worried GE Capital employees (and a few corporate defenders), so we’re keeping it outside of the paid archives. 115 comments and counting…

* VC-backed Tesla Motors still has major difficulties when it comes to producing cars, so now it’s diversifying into making lithium-ion battery packs for other automakers. 

* Bank of America now wants more TARP money, to basically protect itself from itself (i.e., its acquisition of Merrill Lynch). Yes, this is the same Bank of America that previously accepted $25 billion against its will. Seems if someone gave me $25 billion I didn’t want, I might hold onto it somewhere… like in a bank! 

* Are we being lied to about pirates?

* The campaign to ban non-competes in Massachusetts gains steam… now with actual legislation.

* The truth about impulse purchases.

* The video everyone is talking about. Dan Lyons (aka Fake Steve Jobs) vs. CNBC’s Jim Goldman: